When You Want to Dance

Or cry. There have been moments recently in my life where I could just cry with happiness. There have also been moments lately that make me wonder how it didn't break me. I haven't felt the need to share my life lately. I don't know why. I've loved blogging and thought it was a nice kind of self-competition to see if I could write every day. Then I think I got super happy and forgot about it. Even after the super happiness faded I still didn't write.

   Why am I writing tonight? I'm just kind of lonely. I just got my period and the day before and the days during I am so, so lonely. I even hung out with a friend tonight that I haven't seen in forever. It wasn't enough to get rid of the lonely feeling. So I'm laying on my bed trying to ignore how I feel.

    I've been putting in a lot of applications lately because I hate kmart anymore.

     I've been looking into jobs and apartments not in this town.

   My birthday is in exactly one week. All I want from anyone is a birthday card. It's always been my thing, to want a birthday card. I used to save all of them!

     I'm living with my mom still. We are currently in a house with no heat, no hot water, and no stove to cook on, seeing as it's a gas stove and our gas isn't turned on. I hate cold showers and not being able to eat.. And not being able to sleep because I'm too cold. I'm sorry. I needed to complain to someone. I can't always ignore it. 

    People say you control your own destiny but I'm having such a hard time getting out of this hole my mother has dug me into.

     Sigh.