Well, I'm not going to lie. I'm still in love. Let me tell you, he gave me the best year of my life.. And even left me with a child. I miss him so bad, every day. Yes, he hurt me. But you have no idea what happiness he brought me. The reason it hurts to think about him, is because it still makes me happy but then my mind catches up when I realize he also makes me terribly sad. Mixing the two of them is painful. The worst part is, our relationship didn't end because we fought, or fell out of love. One day, he decided to feel guilty for his past relationship and left me.
I told him, the last time I saw him, that even though it's clicking in my head what's happening, I don't believe it's the end for us. He told me I wasn't stupid for thinkin that, just by a I was hopeful. Then he for mean. Anger is his way to control any other emotion.
At the beginning of our relationship he said, 'if anything ever takes us apart, I'll spend my life trying to find you again'. I wonder if he remembers saying that? I wonder if he thinks about me as often as I do him ? I wonder if he'll want a place in our child's life or if he thinks paying child support is the responsibility he needs to take up?
I'm meeting his mother this week. He doesn't know it. I'm nervous but I want her to know me, and know my son.. And I want to know her.
