Yesterday, I accidentally let everything bad about my childhood slip through while I was talking to Rob. I really keep it in check, because I don't want anyone to feel bad for me. Shawn (my ex) doesn't even know half of it and I was with him for 7 years. So as it was spewing out of my mouth, I realized how not-so-good my parents are. My mother was rarely around. Then she had us move everywhere once I turned 13-14. Never settling down longer than 3 months and it was usually only 1-2 moths on average. I continued to go to my high school that I had always gone to.. Except once when I spent 2 months at another one. She continuously stole my money when I had a job. Everyone always says to me.. You've had a job for the past 5 years and you didn't save any money? How do you expect me to? My mom used to be able to get into my bank account because she was friends with the bank tellers.
My dad? He was depressed until I turned 21. He says now, because my brother told him how sometimes we didn't have food, why didn't you tell me? I would've helped. I would have given you a place to live.
He knew about it.. He just ignored it. He didn't care about anyone but himself. Now he's feeling bad when it's too late.
Sometimes I feel like I grew up without parents. My brother and I were the only ones we had. Then Alicia came along.. I've been baby sitting her since I was 7 ( the year she was born). She used to call me Mom number 2.
Now that I told Rob about it, all the angsty feelings of the past are pouring out of me. I had to play music last night to distract my mind and allow me to sleep.
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